lesson learned; it is not productive to get MAD

Ok...i have a confession to make.  Last week I got MAD at Beau (my husband and parenting partner of almost 20 years, and my best friend).  I got totally fed up.  I'm not perfect and neither is he.  I was determined to get his attention and make him wake up and change.  How did I decide to accomplish this...I took the twins to the beach, by myself.  I was going to let him experience what life would be without me and the twins.  Of course, I left Quinn the 13 y/o with him and Cole is at boarding school. 

WHAT WAS I THINKING???  I had planned to leave Thursday afternoon and return home Monday afternoon.  I ended up leaving Friday am.  After 2 and 1/2 NONSTOP days with 2 very active, happy, strong willed 5 year olds (who wake up at 0630)...I came home Sunday afternoon.  I'm not sure what Beau learned (though he said he missed us very much).  But I learned that I do not want to be a single parent, that what is a game breaker has not happened, and that my husband is a great (if not perfect) guy.  I also realised how very far I fall short of who I want to be, who my husband and children need me to be, and that Beau has always been in my corner. 

I don't know if he will change any of the behaviors that made me mad.  But I am working on changing me (the only person that I can actually change).  My limits as a parent and wife are greater than i thought, I will not be a single parent (unless by death), that I am blessed with happy, healthy, smart kids!

FYI PARENTING TEENS IS MUCH MORE DIFFICULT THAN KINDERGARTNER'S!!! 

PS  the twins had a fabulous time at the beach, we played frisbeen, went hunting for sea shells, found hermit crabs, made friends, swam, played in hot tub, hiked, danced, and PLAYED HARD.  I had more stamina than I knew :)

vacation for mom

I just got back from 5 days at the beach, with  girlfriends only!!!!  No men, no children.  It was glorious.  It is the longest I have ever been separated from the twins and the longest Beau has had to hold down the fort.  I was barely missed, which is a great feeling!  And Beau didn't appear any worse for wear.  He cooked them lots of processed foods, but did take them to the park and kept the house reasonable clean!  So he is up for Man of they Year, in what matters to Jodi awards!  I am home feeling rested, refreshed, and loving my family!
There is a slight chill in the air and the high today is on 85, so, in my south Louisiana heart, this "cold snap" calls for gumbo.  I have a wonderful smelling chicken stock brewing on the stove.  It will be yummy, even if i have to turn the A/C down to 65 ;)

The twins remain in the same class, however, I've questioned myself about that decision.  They have mostly good days, with a few very good, a few so so, and an occasional sad day.  The teacher reports that they "feed" off of each other.  The last sad day that Elizabeth had was due to putting her ice pack on her head in the lunch room, and dancing (instead of walking in line quietly) back to class.  It's hard for me to fuss at her exuberance, though I understand how this is frustrating for a kindergarten teacher, with over 18 students.  Kade's bad days are generally due to not sitting still and not paying attention.  This always occurs in the afternoon.  This is the same was it was for Cole and Quinn in kindergarten.  The great thing is they love school, their teacher, and riding the bus!

They had a much better day

Kade and Elizabeth's first day of kindergarten with entire class went well.  No folder came home.  And I reread the note from meet the teacher day and realized i was supposed to be sending a snack for them each day.  I feel bad that they had nothing to eat from 0720 til 1230...bad mama.   Having twins in the same class means i can ask them how their siblings day went... E reports that K had a good day and that she had a super good day.  They explained that this meant she did not have to move her pin and he had to move his once.  Kade tolerated the bus ride home better.  He enjoyed having a cold bottle of water for the trip home (i froze 8 oz bottles of water and put in his bag in the am, so it was defrosted but cool).
I'm feeling better, not great, and certainly not comfortable with putting my babies on a bus and sending them off to school, but i feel better than the past 2 days  am hopeful they will have a great year.

i am not ok

Cole is a senior, Quinn is in 8th grade, and the twins are in kindergarten.  I am NOT ok with this.  My babies are growing up too fast.  I thought I was ready and was looking forward to these milestones.  I have been in a deep funk for the past 2 days.  Not having my phone working properly only made me more anxious. 

I will put them on the bus again tomorrow.  I am off tomorrow and will go eat lunch with them to see if the class is cleaner and to try to get a better feel for their teacher.  I'm still so upset that on his very first day of kindergarten with only 6 kids in the class his teacher reported that he missed out on some afternoon activities because he was upset and not listening well.  He is 5, he was hungry, and he was tired.  Please God let tomorrow go better, let me be OK again.  Let us all be safe.

I am not ok... But I am functioning.  Lunches are ready, dinner was cooked, laundry was done, patients were seen, charting was completed.  Maybe that is all I can expect from me today.

Ready for kindergarten

Today, the twins and I spent the day together.  We went to game stop, for a new DS game.  Then we went to Walmart.  They were so well behaved!  NeeNee gave them the Nintendo DS's yesterday and the threat of losing them privilege to play with them works wonders!!!  They even helped me unload groceries and put them away.

I made their lunches for tomorrow, with their help.  Elizabeth has a whole wheat wrap with ham and cheese, tomatoes and cucumbers, a mango yogurt freezie pop (sweetened with dates, don't tell them) juice and a whole grain, grain, organic chocolate cookie.  Kade has shrimp, salsa, corn, tortilla chips, grapes and blueberries, with the same mango pop and cookie.  Hope they enjoy it and that the new containers and lunch boxes work well and don't leak.

Quinn forgot his lunch today.  He missed it!  Didn't like the "hamburger" from the cafeteria.  He is going to try to make California rolls for his lunch tomorrow.  I've made the sushi rice for him.   He is very excited and i hope it works out and tastes great.  It is the only way he will eat cucumber and avocado.

I've been in the kitchen most of the day.  Most of you know this is my favorite place to be!  Nonna balls (home made meatballs, using my step moms recipe) and pasta, a family favorite; though I never get them quite as good as Nonna's; it must be all that grandma love she puts in hers.

I have a breakfast casserole (turkey sausage, hash brown potatoes, onions, cheese, eggs and milk)  in the crock pot, will finish is up and start before bed.  This is a new recipe, so I hope it turns out great.  I want us all ready with our A game.

I'm excited and anxious.  My babies are starting kindergarten.  Happy and sad.  It's hard to wrap my head around this milestone.  I will post pictures tomorrow evening.  Hoping I can put them on the bus with a smile and not a nervous breakdown. Kade would not be able to go if I'm upset, of course Elizabeth would probably go without a backward glance ;).

meet the teacher???

Well, we went to meet the kindergarten teacher.  I was not impressed with her, or her class.  I'm trying to withhold judgment and praying she is a better teacher that she appeared today.  Also, the twins were terrible, the only kids running around; touching everything and doing cart wheels. 

The class room was filthy; I'm hoping that it will get cleaned over the weekend.  She seemed unprepared.  This is the first year that they tested the kindergartners before starting school.  Her room was one of a few used for testing. 

Wondering if I made the right decision keeping them together.  She even stated to me questioningly  "and you Did want them in the same class?"  The other kids were timid.  Is it a good thing that K and E are anything but timid, fully confidant to test all limits right away???

testing for kindergarten

The twins underwent a 1 hour "test" for kindergarten.  Not sure what they were tested on, however, i understand that it will help with student placement and the teachers will better know where to start. 

I have requested that the twins be in the same class.  I met another mother of boy/girl twins that requested her twins be in different classrooms.  So thankful that we are in a school that lets have parents have input.  I plan to get their teachers input at the end of kindergarten whether they would be better continuing together or separate.  I chose to keep them together this year because their prek teacher felt they were "forlorn and lost" when the other was not at school. They don't play together at school and are in different reading groups, but they like to keep tabs on each other and are worried about each other if they cannot see them.

Both had hair cuts today.  Kade demanded that all of his curls be cut off...Beau is a bit angry with me.  I let Kade choose because he wants to be considered a big boy, and the curls make everyone notice him and treat him more like a baby.  He looks so handsome and so much older.  I miss his curls.  I had Elizabeth's bangs cut a bit short, but they grow so fast and i hate when they cover her beautiful blue eyes!

Tomorrow they will be at there preschool Kaleidoscope and I will have a much needed day with Cole.  Monday they are home with me, I plan to make it a special last day before kindergarten, any suggestions?  Tuesday is their first day of kindergarten.  They will be riding the bus.  This is a very difficult choice for me.  Cole never road the bus, and Quinn didn't ride the bus until 5th grade.  Working full time, putting them on the bus makes the most financial sense, and because we live 1 mile from the school and they are together, it seems the best.  Of course Tuesday am, when I watch them climb up on that giant bus I'll be in tears and will probably follow the bus to school :)

they are 5 and starting kindergarten

I've neglected my blog, but I plan to post more regularly.  The twins turned 5 in March and life is good.  Just for anyone with twins that is looking for hope, a life line, or someone that understands...it is so much better than it was, and getting better every day!  I'm still on Prozac, Ambein (to sleep), and I drink more alcohol than I probably should.  But we are a happy (well as happy as you can be with a 13 y/o hitting puberty).  And Cole (the 17 y/o who helped me so much in the first few years) is in boarding school 3.5 hours away (his choice, it's a great school, Louisiana School for Math, Science, and the Arts).  This will be his 3rd year there, so I'm getting used to not having his help.

After working part time for 15 years, I went full time 2 years ago.  Wanted the twins in preschool full time and that's expensive.  I had hoped to go back to part time when they started kindergarten (we are blessed with a great public school) but of course, I figured out how expensive teenagers are, especially to feed and clothe. ;)

So my time to blog and breath is limited.  I've also put us on a Natural food diet.  Which means no refined foods (white flour, sugar, high fructose corn syrup, preservatives, dyes, MSG, etc)  so to my plate I've added: making just about everything from scratch, going to Farmers market for milk, veggies, eggs, and we bought a local, grass-fed organic cow (well, 25% of one- 96# of meat in deep freeze and 20# of bones for making stock).  I will be making lunch for Quinn and the twins everyday.  Well, at least that is my goal.  but I've learned to be very kind and forgiving to myself.  I believe it's about what you eat 80% of the time.  So I let my elderly neighbor sneak the twins candy every now and then, and I don't make a big deal about what they eat when visiting relatives.  The kids don't mind the way we eat now, except at the grocery store, so I try not to take them there.  When we are there together and they ask for everything that they can't have.  We read the label together, and the first 5 times they are OK with "no, I'm sorry that has dye, high fructose corn syrup, preservatives..." But then, Elizabeth starts negotiating, and then crying and Kade gets angry. 

 I love the blog 100 day's of Real Food, it's a great place to start if wanting to eat in a healthier way.

Well I must go make some whole grain bread, hope to post again soon.