testing for kindergarten

The twins underwent a 1 hour "test" for kindergarten.  Not sure what they were tested on, however, i understand that it will help with student placement and the teachers will better know where to start. 

I have requested that the twins be in the same class.  I met another mother of boy/girl twins that requested her twins be in different classrooms.  So thankful that we are in a school that lets have parents have input.  I plan to get their teachers input at the end of kindergarten whether they would be better continuing together or separate.  I chose to keep them together this year because their prek teacher felt they were "forlorn and lost" when the other was not at school. They don't play together at school and are in different reading groups, but they like to keep tabs on each other and are worried about each other if they cannot see them.

Both had hair cuts today.  Kade demanded that all of his curls be cut off...Beau is a bit angry with me.  I let Kade choose because he wants to be considered a big boy, and the curls make everyone notice him and treat him more like a baby.  He looks so handsome and so much older.  I miss his curls.  I had Elizabeth's bangs cut a bit short, but they grow so fast and i hate when they cover her beautiful blue eyes!

Tomorrow they will be at there preschool Kaleidoscope and I will have a much needed day with Cole.  Monday they are home with me, I plan to make it a special last day before kindergarten, any suggestions?  Tuesday is their first day of kindergarten.  They will be riding the bus.  This is a very difficult choice for me.  Cole never road the bus, and Quinn didn't ride the bus until 5th grade.  Working full time, putting them on the bus makes the most financial sense, and because we live 1 mile from the school and they are together, it seems the best.  Of course Tuesday am, when I watch them climb up on that giant bus I'll be in tears and will probably follow the bus to school :)

they are 5 and starting kindergarten

I've neglected my blog, but I plan to post more regularly.  The twins turned 5 in March and life is good.  Just for anyone with twins that is looking for hope, a life line, or someone that understands...it is so much better than it was, and getting better every day!  I'm still on Prozac, Ambein (to sleep), and I drink more alcohol than I probably should.  But we are a happy (well as happy as you can be with a 13 y/o hitting puberty).  And Cole (the 17 y/o who helped me so much in the first few years) is in boarding school 3.5 hours away (his choice, it's a great school, Louisiana School for Math, Science, and the Arts).  This will be his 3rd year there, so I'm getting used to not having his help.

After working part time for 15 years, I went full time 2 years ago.  Wanted the twins in preschool full time and that's expensive.  I had hoped to go back to part time when they started kindergarten (we are blessed with a great public school) but of course, I figured out how expensive teenagers are, especially to feed and clothe. ;)

So my time to blog and breath is limited.  I've also put us on a Natural food diet.  Which means no refined foods (white flour, sugar, high fructose corn syrup, preservatives, dyes, MSG, etc)  so to my plate I've added: making just about everything from scratch, going to Farmers market for milk, veggies, eggs, and we bought a local, grass-fed organic cow (well, 25% of one- 96# of meat in deep freeze and 20# of bones for making stock).  I will be making lunch for Quinn and the twins everyday.  Well, at least that is my goal.  but I've learned to be very kind and forgiving to myself.  I believe it's about what you eat 80% of the time.  So I let my elderly neighbor sneak the twins candy every now and then, and I don't make a big deal about what they eat when visiting relatives.  The kids don't mind the way we eat now, except at the grocery store, so I try not to take them there.  When we are there together and they ask for everything that they can't have.  We read the label together, and the first 5 times they are OK with "no, I'm sorry that has dye, high fructose corn syrup, preservatives..." But then, Elizabeth starts negotiating, and then crying and Kade gets angry. 

 I love the blog 100 day's of Real Food, it's a great place to start if wanting to eat in a healthier way.

Well I must go make some whole grain bread, hope to post again soon.

3 year olds are Fun!

I has been about a year since my last post. It has been a great and busy year! For those of you with young twins/children, i can finally report, it does get better! We are having so much fun with our twins! They are still busy, but manageable! I've even started working full time. My house is certainly not as tidy and clean as I would like it to be, but we are moving out of survival mode and slowly making our way to thriving.

I'm still on my antidepressant and my ambien. Don't know if I'll ever try to get off, I've become fond of sleep. Perhaps if Beau quits snoring, I won't need to ambien...lol

6 weeks later

Thanks for all the comments on my last post. I'm feeling much better! I went back to the doctor last week. The people closest to me (kids, husband, cousin/sister) said I was much better...lol But the overwhelming fatigue/tiredness really had me down. I felt completely flat...no joy, on the other hand, I wasn't getting so angry, very little yelling/screaming (i was just too tired to get that upset over anything). After talking to my doctor, i decided to try taking the medicine in the morning instead of at night...it has made a world of difference!

I'm still a little tired, but I think that probably has to do with 4 kids, a husband, 3 dogs, 7 acres, part time nursing job, and running a home... Also, I've lost 5 pounds since being on the medicine and 10 pounds since July (i had gained 12 from March-July, when my diabetic medicines where switched up...switched back in July). It was not doing my self esteem any good, when my clothes weren't fitting... It is nice to have so many choices again in my closet! Still would like to lose another 30-40 and have a tummy tuck... well, that will have to wait until the twins are older ...lol I'll try for that goal when they are five!

Hopefully my posts will be informative and less venting! I'm glad to be finally finding my footing again. Feeling like a much better mother and wife!

Field trip with the twins tomorrow to a pumpkin patch. Will hopefully have some great pics to post!

1 week later...

Well, I've been on the medicine for 1 week now. I can't really tell if it's working, but pms won't start for another 7-14 days... I am sleeping great! My biggest complaint is general fatigue!!! I don't think this is due to the ambien but the other med. I'm hoping that this side effect will go away with time.


Maybe it is working, I do seem to be screaming less, but this may just be due sleeping better and the overwhelming tiredness. Also, Quinn is being bullied at school and i have resisted the urge to go and hurt this boy, so it must be working...lol

PMDD

For any of you who have read my posts this year, this will probably not come as a surprise, but I have been having "issues". I'm irritable and agitated most of the time, especially my pms time... Several friends have suggested I go see my doctor and get on some medicine or happy pills... I have resisted this prompting for over a year. I know so many people on "something" I had to wonder, is this all really necessary. Also, I all ready take several rx meds for my diabetes and hypothyroidism so I didn't really want to take more meds... I haven't had a good night sleep since the 3rd trimester of my twin pregnancy (I was on ambien). I do not have any of the fruits of the Holy Spirit, so sharing my faith would be a little, umm what shall I say, you want what I have... but who would want to have my anger, frustration, irritation, agitation, impatience...where is my peace, patience, gentleness, love... no one is attracted to my fruit.

Well after a complete meltdown last week (over not being able to find shoes for Kade...among other things) I decided to ask my husband if he thought I needed medicine...his answer was a very definitive, resounding...YES. When asked why he hadn't said something, he replied "I didn't want to make you angry" Well I went to the MD today. I started my new med today and he also gave me something to help me sleep. Praise God, I can't wait to go to be tonight! Beau will be glad to not be woken up to turn over (he snores loudly) or to rub my back (because I have been awake for 2 hours and can't sleep).

I just thought in all honesty and transparency that I should share that parenting a 14 y/o "man", and 10 y/o boy and 2 toddlers is exhausting, constant, demanding, and not usually very rewarding. I have not handled it well and finally realized that if something didn't change soon, I may permanently damage the spirits and emotions of my precious and much loved children.

I will keep my blog updated with my progress with my "psychotic behavior" as I call it and will hopefully begin to start producing the fruits that God wants to see in my life.

Invisible mom

A friend emailed this to me. I've read it before, but I really needed to read it again! I know I'll need to remember that God sees it all. I decided to post it for any of you you might feel invisible and for myself!

The Invisible Mom
It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?' Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible.. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more! Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.' I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude -but now, they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!? One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England . Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe . I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it t o me until I read her inscription: 'To Charlotte , with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.' In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything. A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof, No one will ever see it. And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.' I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become. At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree. When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for 3 hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'You're gonna love it there..' As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women. Great Job, MOM! Share this with all the Invisible Moms you know... I just did. The Will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you. This is beautiful and makes a ton of sense. To all the wonderful mothers out there.