For any of you who have read my posts this year, this will probably not come as a surprise, but I have been having "issues". I'm irritable and agitated most of the time, especially my pms time... Several friends have suggested I go see my doctor and get on some medicine or happy pills... I have resisted this prompting for over a year. I know so many people on "something" I had to wonder, is this all really necessary. Also, I all ready take several rx meds for my diabetes and hypothyroidism so I didn't really want to take more meds... I haven't had a good night sleep since the 3rd trimester of my twin pregnancy (I was on ambien). I do not have any of the fruits of the Holy Spirit, so sharing my faith would be a little, umm what shall I say, you want what I have... but who would want to have my anger, frustration, irritation, agitation, impatience...where is my peace, patience, gentleness, love... no one is attracted to my fruit.
Well after a complete meltdown last week (over not being able to find shoes for Kade...among other things) I decided to ask my husband if he thought I needed medicine...his answer was a very definitive, resounding...YES. When asked why he hadn't said something, he replied "I didn't want to make you angry" Well I went to the MD today. I started my new med today and he also gave me something to help me sleep. Praise God, I can't wait to go to be tonight! Beau will be glad to not be woken up to turn over (he snores loudly) or to rub my back (because I have been awake for 2 hours and can't sleep).
I just thought in all honesty and transparency that I should share that parenting a 14 y/o "man", and 10 y/o boy and 2 toddlers is exhausting, constant, demanding, and not usually very rewarding. I have not handled it well and finally realized that if something didn't change soon, I may permanently damage the spirits and emotions of my precious and much loved children.
I will keep my blog updated with my progress with my "psychotic behavior" as I call it and will hopefully begin to start producing the fruits that God wants to see in my life.