Friday, May 18, 2007

the beginning

I wish that I had started the blog when I found out I was expecting twins. I will try to write now the short version. Overwhelmed with excitement, fear, but mostly disbelief. Beau and I even now, with Elizabeth and Kade 8 weeks old, will still look at each other and say "we have twins" or "there are two, did you notice we have 2 babies, not 1, but 2...". It is still hard to fathom. Beau was content with our 2 boys (Cole and Quinn). I always wanted a big family, at least 3, or maybe 5 children. But realized at the age of 38 that we should be done and I should find contentment with my two amazing, healthy, wonderful, and beautiful boys!!! I never would have prayed for twins, at least not since carrying and caring for 1 at a time.

The pregnancy was easy physically for the first 28 weeks. Mentally and spiritually the first few months were the most difficult. I came to believe that God gave this to me to get to spend more time with me. I have never prayed so much in my life. Terror reminded me of my dependence of God, and that I can't control anything. I learned to turn my fears over daily, and often minute by minute. My faith grew so much during this pregnancy. Not necessarily that the babies would be healthy and full term, but that no matter what, God would take care of me and mine. Such a peace would come over me and I would laugh at Satan, you didn't steal my joy today...It often was a daily battle that I faced each morning. some days it lasted only a few minutes and other a few hours. And after a few weeks the fear was only an occasional visitor, one who I would open the door to for just a few seconds and them slam it back with Psalm 34:4, I sought the Lord and He answered me, He delivered me from all my fears.
It became harder as time went on. I never dreamed it would be so difficult and uncomfortable. I will not go into details, in case any men read this. Suffice it to imagine 12 pounds of baby, 2 placentas, and 2 sacs of fluid...

The first 3 weeks at home and breastfeeding the twins was the most was the hardest thing I've ever done. Harder physically and mentally than even when my mother was ill and dieing. I can't describe it, but I did get through it with help from my husband (Beau), my 12 y/o (Cole), and my hearts sister (Denise). Friends (Karen came from Seattle to help), family, and the church brought meals.

The twins are 8 weeks old now. We have a schedule that allows me enough time to care for my family and home. Well mostly my home, I'm learning a little dust and dirty dishes are not the most important thing (they will still be there when my babies are starting school) and that Quinn does a good enough job, and its OK if Beau does housework different than I do, or maybe not as well. I'm thankful that he helps!!!

I'm starting the blog to share the adventure. Twins are an adventure and a blessing. Sometime it's hard to remember that when you're breastfeeding one and holding another and one's diaper is leaking on you and the other just spit up down your shirt and no one is around to help...

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