Life is soooo busy with 4 children (especially 2 toddlers) and expensive too. I don't think anyone reads my blog anymore, so it's become more of a journal. Which I guess is a good thing (not that no one reads it, but that I don't think anyone does so I don't unconsciously edit my thoughts). God knows what I'm thinking anyway and in the BIG picture does what anyone else thinks really matter? I don't think so.

I'm quite certain that God would like to pick me up and shake me like a rag doll. I'm not sure that I should go into why...just in case someone else reads this. But, I'm me, and I have been accused (or complemented) on being transparent. With me you see what you get, or in this format, what you read is what you get...I'm a flawed, sinful, woman, a mother, a wife, a friend, a nurse, a singer, a cousin/sister, a step sister, a home maker, a want to be organized stay home mom, a "great" cook, a lover, a fighter and I'm lazy... I wish I was further along the path that God has for me...but I am here. And I don't seem to be able to find the energy and time to get where I need to be. Just one example of flawedness is that last night I threw my purse at beau and hit him in the groin...oops...I really was aiming for his thigh...is that an excuse...should I be swinging at my husband of 16 years...i don't think so...so God want to shake some sense into me...the last time I think I got pregnant with twins and the time before my mother was dx with cancer and died...SO GOD, YOU HAVE MY ATTENTION...I WILL TRY TO WALK MORE CLOSELY WITH YOU...PLEASE HELP ME

I want to be to be thinner, I want to be less judgemental, I want to be WAY LESS irritable, I want to be go with the flow casual, don't sweat the small stuff. I want to count for the Kingdom. I want to raise God fearing, Jesus freaks. I want my children to love God, their parents, their siblings and the world. I want at least one of them to be a missionary. I want to adopt an older child or be a foster parent (but Beau is not their), but I would probably fail the home visit. I do spank my children and I scream and you horrible language in anger...Maybe God knows i would cause my adopted childs PTS syndrome to exacerbate.

If anyone does read this...please pray for me. I'm still trying to figure out what God was thinking when he decided 2 y/o twins was just what I needed at 41...and at the same time raise those God fearing Jesus freaks (one of whom happens to be a teenager...oxymoron..maybe?) love my procrastinating irritating husband (remember I said I was irritable), be the best friend to the women God has put in my life (many of whom give much less than i do)...(not you Karen...you give more...thanks) and you Denise (sister of my heart) you give way more...of course I'm just assuming that someone might be reading!

Do you know that cooking for 6 is expensive! I'm doing good if I can make a tasty meal for under $10...$12 is average, ..$5 is a miracle or beans...and anything under $30 is way less than eating out. do you realize that $10/ night is $300/mo and that is only dinner...cereal is expensive, fruit is outrageous and I'm trying to go green and organic....isn't that funny.

well I must go change another poopy diaper...one of the many story of my days...lol